rock

2011-09-10T16:54:00.000+08:00

10th September 2011

I am scared. Of myself.

2011-06-20T03:35:00.002+08:00

20th June 2011

I don't want to deflect anymore.

You asked, I lied, you could smell a rat.

It's pretty hard to tell the truth when it could change the way the game is played.

And just as difficult not to.

2011-01-28T17:23:00.001+08:00

28th January 2011

Don't.

2011-01-15T15:38:00.001+08:00

14th January 2011

The thing about being a private person is that people who don't know what you're all about and what kind of person you are will make all sorts of judgments about you based on your external shell.

2010-12-17T18:39:00.002+08:00

17th December 2010

It's not so much that I'm not sure.

But that I hate myself for knowing for sure.

That might be infinitely worse.

2010-11-12T11:02:00.002+08:00

11th November 2011

Remembrance Day.

Tomorrow's TWLOHA day.

It'll remind me of a lot. I reckon.

What are you doing Joy?

2010-10-28T12:31:00.003+08:00

27th October 2010

I didn't lie to you, but if you asked me again now, I would be.

2010-10-20T13:12:00.002+08:00

19th October 2010

I think there's something wrong with me.

2010-10-15T12:02:00.002+08:00

14th October 2010

I was reading the Straits Times article about the death of Dollah Kassim.

and I wondered what it would have been like to know my own grand dad.

To hear so much about a person your whole life, but to not know a thing on a first-hand basis.

Feels peculiar.

2010-09-26T19:21:00.010+08:00

25th September 2010

Tomorrow. No _____ at all.

Monday-Sunday every week of my life: 1200

If I say anything at all, it will be this.

I don't care what you think because

I'm my own biggest critic.

You don't have to criticise me to hurt me.

I hurt myself enough.

Or if you are able to hurt me.

It will be because you are important enough to me that your words pierced through me.

Ruining what I have built in 2009. Is killing me.
Trying not to ruin it is killing me.
I struggle every single day.

I'm trying not to sound sorry for myself.
i build constructs over constructs.
Facades over facades.

Sometimes we get so good at lying to others we believe our own lies.

2010-09-13T15:48:00.002+08:00

13th September 2010

Manipulation is an art.

A tricky one. That in the wrong hands creates upheavals and subtle shifts in opinion all at once.

Is good and bad.

2010-08-22T04:50:00.000+08:00

22nd August 2010

I feel so damn old.

Andsosososcared

I don't want to screw up.

4:50am on the 22nd.

2010-07-24T00:43:00.001+08:00

24th July 2010

If I said "I know how you feel", it wouldn't mean anything. At least not to me. Because I really do know how you feel and in that situation, words are meaningless rabble that go into my eardrums like static on a radio that has no reception.

I honestly know.

But I guess you wouldn't know that for certain right?

2010-07-18T01:51:00.001+08:00

18th July 2010

I know it's going to be an issue for the rest of my life.

But that doesn't make facing them on a daily basis any easier.

2010-07-09T22:25:00.007+08:00

09th July 2010

I am stressed. Very stressed. Unbelievably anxious. Compulsive.

Unreasonable. Scared.

Of Myself Of Life Of The Rest Of Life.

Get a Grip You Say.

What do I grip? Thin Air?

Are my fears unfounded?

Are my realities non existent in your world?

This stinks. I wish I was in Cat's situation. However horrid that might sound. At least she got help.

I am itching to do stupid things. Itching.

I feel like biting my nails off. They're too long and they keep clattering on my keyboard.

I tousle my hair to no avail.

There is no solution I can see.

Sheeshkebabs. urgh.

2010-05-19T22:02:00.001+08:00

19th May 2010

Sigh.
My head really hurts.

I wish you could understand I'm trying to help you.
I wish you could hear me clearly.
Understand what I'm saying to you.
Not shout at me. Just because you don't understand what I'm saying.

It's hard enough.
Without you yelling.

2010-04-23T02:19:00.002+08:00

23rd April 2010

Invisibility cloaks do not exist.
Magic wands and lucky charms
uh-uh.
Trade them in for the real deal
For miracles and prayers.

Breathe in deeply and cast your eyes wide open:
What do you see?

If you do not see the vast oceans of possibility the world offers you
The wonders of mother nature
Do not feel the gentlest of breezes as they glide past the contours of your face
Hear the tide swell and crash at dawn
Have not inhaled the most pungent odour of sweet smelling roses
Nor sampled the first traces of snow fall in winter melting on your tongue

You have not lived.

2010-03-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

30th March 2010

Did you know it's possible to fill up some emptiness with loud noise?

Just thought I'd point that out.

2010-03-29T04:29:00.002+08:00

29th March 2010

I feel like life has recently been a distant reality.
I can't feel anything I want to.

Even if I can, it's distant. Far away. Almost an illusion.
A vague ache.
My brain has detached itself from my body.mind.essence.
...

I might be dramatising.
But then. I once heard of someone speak of multiple narratives.
Wouldn't that be entirely possible in real life?
Multiple truths at once.
Life's like that.

2010-03-27T03:23:00.001+08:00

27th March 2010

Pain sharpens the senses. Did you know that?

2010-03-27T02:27:00.002+08:00

27th March 2010

I can now. At this moment. Say I hate myself and believe it.

I hate my weaknesses. I hate my strengths. I hate being independent and yet so vulnerable.
I hate thinking I have to prove myself.
I hate letting down myself. And others.
I hate my past. My present. My future.

And though you say you understand, if you say you do. You're lying. If you say you want to, you don't really.

But I won't do it. I will not repeat the past. Or at least. That aspect, because I've already repeated everything else. That one thing that ruined all else. That is always always a reminder.

And I can't change what I am. So am I not already living a lie?

I am cold but that's my vice
I wish you knew me.
...
I don't want to talk about it.

2010-03-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

22nd March 2010

I wish I could paint what I felt. But sometimes. It doesn't work that way.

2010-03-10T22:28:00.002+08:00

10th March 2010

How do you lose yourself when you haven't even found you?

2010-02-05T15:15:00.002+08:00

4th February 2010

I've been baking a lot. And putting on weight.
But I think, it's all good. Cause in Singapore,
I plan to lose the excess weight. Else I'll just die.
Here, it's all eat and no exercise cause it's too cold/dangerous to run out alone.

---------

I hope you see this, and I hope you're hanging in there. I wish I could give you a hug. Take care of yourself okay?

2010-01-05T14:56:00.002+08:00

4th January 2010

Where did the first three days of the year go?
O.o

Frightening note:
Last night, I dreamt that I died. O.O
Which woke me up.

My mood's been strange recently. My mind's constantly occupied. And Sunday mass made me feel very untangled and scared.

It doesn't feel like a new year.

2010-01-01T03:38:00.003+08:00

31st December 2009

Last post of the year here.

Resolutions:

1)Remember to live and let live.
2)To not forget the ones that matter and get past the ones that don't and be able to tell the difference.
3)Maintain or lose a bit more weight.
4)Smile and remember the happy things in life.
5)Do well in As and Uni(The former in outta my hands but the latter isn't)

That's in for now I guess.

Till 2010 and editing this list(if i will)

=)

2009-12-22T23:02:00.001+08:00

22nd December 2009

Don't think that i'm pushing you away when you're the one that I've kept closest.

2009-12-16T01:26:00.004+08:00

16th December 2009

I so want to just give up but I promised I wouldn't do it.

2009-12-13T00:16:00.002+08:00

13th December 2009

Too much time on our hands is not necessarily a bad thing,
but it can be.

-covers ears-

Block out the sounds of the universe;
block out them loud harsh crashes and bangs.
Hear instead the internal rhythm of your heart beating
your life happening-
Nature taking its course.
What we know we cannot change we call Regret
What we can but do not we call Indifference
What ill we pick over the good we could do we term Evil.

Acknowledge these flaws in the fabric but then, mend them.
Even if it takes years.

We could choose to wallow in our sorrows
Or face them and realise we can still change our own paths.
Like I said, acknowledge them.
Create something out of nothing. Love out of hate.
Determination to succeed out of failure.

Now.

Open your eyes, uncover your ears and face the world.

2009-12-08T01:11:00.001+08:00

7th December 2009

Want is a terrifying thing. Is relative. Is untrustworthy. Self control and will is required.

2009-12-07T00:17:00.002+08:00

7th December 2009

Everything's come flooding back into my mind cause As are over and nothing's there to occupy it.
I hope I'm better prepared to face things though.
uergh.

2009-11-21T07:03:00.002+08:00

21st November 2009

It's NOVEMBER PEOPLE.
AND A's ARE NEARLY OVER.

-just lit P4 on the 3rd. which is dumb.

=)))))
The nice coold weather makes me smile.
=)

Time to go outttttttttttttt. and.. of course, study for my last paper=P

2009-10-10T03:32:00.002+08:00

10th October '09

So close. I inch closer to the 'A's without really knowing what I'm doing.
I need to sharpen my focus.
But, I think I'm losing hold on the important things in life. Or rather, I'm so caught up in excelling in academia that I'm losing touch of the alternatives and those whom I care about.

2009-09-25T00:36:00.002+08:00

24th September 2009

Mr Pang said something along these lines during lit today and it made sense.

"To create art is to bring out what is invisible to the human eye."

=)

2009-09-22T22:32:00.002+08:00

22nd September 2009

My day was mediocre and dreary till I came home.
It became a flashing scene of loud sounds, bright colours and a sharp headache.
Sort of like the after effects of -probably- shining a torchlight in your own eye in the middle of traffic downtown?

I lay down on the floor because everything else was too cluttered and tempting to toss about and just covered my face.
Wishing my headache to go away and the sounds to disappear.
The headache still remains.
Though the silence now is deafening and throbbing within my head.
It is tense. All is calm.
We can all pretend that what is in the portrait is now and ever shall be.

2009-09-20T00:19:00.006+08:00

19th September 2009

My last CJ retreat ever was perhaps the best one I've ever attended-including those in IJ-because for the first time ever a reflection did not see me merely delving into the same old issues but further than that. To their very core which I'd for years been unable to accurately identify. Even now I might be wrong, but the feeling I got today assures me that I'm at least largely right.

The labyrinth experience was indescribable to tell the truth. I never thought I'd say anything of the sort but I kinda felt a spiritual awakening within me. Strange as it sounds even to me, it was surreal to finally after so long discover that maybe nothing's as bad as it seems. That maybe, just maybe, there is hope at the end of the tunnel.
That once I discovered what exactly had been/is constantly picking at me, all the dots connected. Self(____?)-Family-Friends/Peers.

Allmyselfcriticismsangerloathingfearconfusiondisappointmentdenialwistfulnesssadnessregret
sorrowenvyburyingoftruthssecretsandliesbeneaththesurfaceofmymaskofstoneespeciallyincjhad alwaysbeenpreventingmefrombeingwhoicouldhavebeensinceijoinedtheschool.Thatithadbeen
buildingupfromprimaryschoolithink,madeeverythingjustcumulateandperhapssubconsciouslyI
knewthatonedaythesehorridfeelingswouldseepoutofmeifnotexplode.Thatwaswhathappenedinj1
thatmyownselfdislikeandyearningforaperfectselfsoastoavoidbecominglikemymomordadoranyone
elsebutmecoupledwithmydesiretojustfitinledtopeopledislikingmeinstead.Thisjustmadeeverything
insidemethatwasbuildingupworseandIreallywithdrewintomyshellmorethanbeforeandpeoplerelied
onhalftruthsthatothersspreadandithurtitdid,uptillnowitdoessometimes,makesitharderthanit
alreadyisformetotrustanyonejustknowingthatpeopleIhadtrusteddidn'tstandupformewhenI'ddone
nothingbutbeafriend.Ithurtsmorebecausesomepeoplepretendlikelastyeardidn'thappenandactfake
andcheerywhileIkeepsilentbecauseIwasn'tcloseenoughtoanyoneinclasstoconfideinthemletalone
attempttotrustagain.IknowthatifIhadspokentosomeoneaboutwhyIbehavedthewayIdidthings
might'vebeendifferent.Buthowmuchreally?Especiallyasimyselfwasn'tabletopinpointwheremy
disgustandangstsproutedfromuntilrecently.Theturningpointhadtocomesomewhereinmylifeandit's
better(orworse)tohavegottenthroughitinschoolandnotinadulthood.Ithurtindeedbutmetaphorical
wounds,likephysicalwoundshealalbeitmoreslowlyandinchingly.Sothere.

When/If you read this, I hope you understand. There's more but this is basically a concise(lol) version. =)

2009-08-31T23:06:00.002+08:00

31st August 2009

Are we not all lying to ourselves?
Perhaps we view the world through tinted glasses.
Perhaps we are all illusions.
We are what we have grown to become, by choice or not.

"You honour the universe by having a good time in it"
=)

Perhaps.

2009-08-08T22:47:00.001+08:00

8th August 2009

RAWR.
my teeth are crooked and gross.
-hmph-

National Day tomorrow.
Wear RED?

-raises eyebrow-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALIIII!!!! =DDDDDD

2009-07-28T21:55:00.001+08:00

28th July 2009

You can be such a bitch sometimes.
A reminder of the past of which I am constantly reminded of already.
You just had to bring it up in front of her.
Sometimes I think I don't know who you're turning out to be.

2009-07-23T23:39:00.002+08:00

23 July 2009

I'm tired.
My head hurts.
I'm feeling a sense of triumph mixed with the feeling that I've unintentionally wronged someone.
I feel happy and sad.

I ran 8km today. That was a sense of accomplishment.
Its also making my head hurt cause its now 1140pm and I need rest.
But I wanted to write out what I felt so it wouldn't hurt my head more than the clatter of the keyboard as I type now.

If I unintentionally made you feel inferior because of how much I've been doing, I guess I'm sorry. But you needn't have been tactless about approaching it.
If what you wrote was about me in the first place.
Tiredness makes one feel insecure and paranoid.

2009-07-09T23:16:00.003+08:00

09th July 2009

You said I'm like your happy pill without any ill effects.

You're like LSD to me.
figuratively.
You're like a happy pill with a tsbp of confusion.
And then with a swoop you take it all away and leave me with a lingering confusion, sense of upheaval and denial.

2009-07-01T23:41:00.002+08:00

1st July 2009

Hullooo Juuuuly.
Be you good nor bad you're here.
And here to stay for 31 days.
Then you'll be gone like all those other days and fluttering nights.

My stomach's twisted in a knot.
Silence ensues.
-ponders-
If I could fly it'd be really cool.
Superfast.
With goggles on so I don't get airborne debris hurting mine eyeballs.
You see in life
there's optimism,
pessimism,
and then there's being realistic.
I border on the fringe of the imaginary swirls of what could have been/could be.
And reality.
They cannot coexist.

(I am aware I sound exceedingly eccentric)

2009-06-26T15:28:00.003+08:00

Friday 26th June 2009

Michael Jackson's dead=(

'Tis a sad day.

His death overshadowed Farrah Fawcett's on the same day.
ahuh.

History was bunk. Literature's tomorrow. I haven't started studying. I am so dead.
O.O

"H1N1 is confirm no funnn" -to the tune of Nobody by The Wonder Girls-

2009-06-03T01:32:00.002+08:00

3rd June 2009

Its June already
Meet up with the flowers rocked=D
Okay fine. It didn't rock rock but it was a nice catch/meet up thingmajig.
Yay us.
Orchard-Little India-Salvation Army here we gooo.
=)
We're all growing up.
(the horror. mehhhh)

So, the weather has been sweltering.
More so than usual.
School's been alright, extra lessons and the lot.

"So why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
Its okay if you don't know everything"

- Bastard, Ben Folds

I feel hermit-ish.
Pre-mature ageing.
Where's that spark-
Its somewhere deep within the recesses of my soul.
Hibernating.
I feel silent.
I need to get out.
Strumpet O.O

2009-05-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

25th May 2009

Blank.
The biggest bullshit ever.
You could write a book on your lifestory no?
Are you demented?
You're insecure. frustrated. caged.
shut the windows-the room isn't soundproof.
We can still hear you.
We always have been able to.
There're gaps between doors.
Don't take it out on me. or them.
I'm not deaf.
Don't waste your vocal chords.

Go get help you could sorely use.

2009-05-22T23:23:00.003+08:00

22nd May 2009

I hate how life is unfair to those who don't deserve bad things happening to them.
Cut out the cliches and adages.
It isn't fair nor justified.
I'm sorry.

You'll accept it in time, he will, you all will.
I know it; you just got to believe it.
And live life to its fullest it can be.
You will soon.

I thought the year's fill of unfortunate events was over.

It isn't fair.

This week ended off badly.
It began likewise.
Tired. tired. tired. Of being pulled in thousands of directions when I know what I want to do. But uncertainties pull me back and directions pull me sideways.
The future is shrouded in an enormous mass of thick, impenetrable fog.
Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunningphysicallyisn'tthesameasrunningawaymentally.
I'dliketothink.
Runrunrunrunasfastasicanasfarasicantoaplacethat'squietandpeacefulandfilled
withserenity.Covermyearsandwithaburstofspeedi'moff.Noonecancatchmeinthisdream.None.
I'mfrightened.Ofeverythingthatiswasandcouldorwillbe.-plugsearsandsqueezeseyesshut-

Ignorance isn't the same as ignoring.
I should know.

2009-05-16T16:09:00.002+08:00

16th May 2009

I guess;
For that is all I can do:
That when others do you harm,
they do so without a second thought.
It might pain you so-
But who can see pain etched in a memory or
a thudding mass of muscle within an enclosed casing?

After a time-
who knows how long?
You unfurl from your weary ball cast in a lone corner,
picking up the crumbs Hansel and Gretel left behind,
you regain feeling in your long contorted limbs,
a step at a time,
you find the path you lost.

Balance is hard to find,
tottering on a tightrope;
Yet, the platform nears with each hesitant step taken.
Once on stable ground,
they (perhaps even they do not know it)
fawn,
flatter,
gush.

You alone,
know the irony.
How fast peoples' faces change,
from one mask to another.
As if we all were at a masquerade.
Do remain silent,
smile for a while,
thank them for their kind graces,
but do know this:
the one person you must be able to trust is yourself.
If one cannot do even that,
the Pied Piper does play his tune to which we all follow.

2009-05-10T17:22:00.002+08:00

10th May 2009

I have slaughtered two flies today.
With my karate chop.
=.=
They bug me they do.
No pun intended whatsoever.
meeerrrhrhhhp.

"The one thing we learn from history is that we never learn from history."

2009-05-01T23:25:00.002+08:00

1st May 2009

Mayday.

Twist and shout,
come'on come'on come'on come'on.

So challenging to see eye to eye-
perhaps a matter of height?
Yet again,
-sigh-
the essence of the matter is completely lost.
Shrouded amidst squabbles:
Much Ado About Nothing.

Nothing to be said, to be done;
except perhaps to shrug or shout.
what about ignorance being bliss?
Someone somewhere lied.
Big Time.
Like the Great Depression of the 1930s-
Big.
Not unlike an elephant.
But certainly not an ant.

Fragmentation was bound to happen
what with everyone spilt over three continents
You kid if you thought otherwise.
Is there super glue somewhere?
Can it fix a divide of four years-
the bigger question.
"Yes we can" Hussein said with conviction.
I hope i have as much conviction as he.

2009-04-25T22:15:00.003+08:00

25th April 2009

The lack of such a minute seeming thing when you have it,
so vastly important when you don't.
I have a love hate relationship with Capitalism.

"It starts with an F,
not a curse;
mind your language!
The bane of our existence:
Known in different languages as different things.
Familia in Portuguese! Famiglia in Italy!
Familj in the land of Swedes!
An escape to nevernever land,
Peter calls the child in us.
But silence is golden.
It makes all pleasant at once.
The door creaks open-
The glorious Silence is broken.
Unravelling like a spindle of thread down a steep hilly surface-
As beautiful as the thread's brightness might be,
the one who makes it undone
makes it less beautiful, lose its lustre.
Its brightness leaves but a mere memory of what it once was
Down the hilly surface full of bumps and potholes,
puddles and dirt."

I think its a bittersweet moment the day you realise slamming doors does not help any situation improve.

2009-04-20T00:47:00.002+08:00

20th April 2009

I slept for 13hours yesterday(meaning Sat till Sun morning.)
Since its nearly 1am now. heh.
Then. I slept 2hours in the warm Sunday Afternoon Sun.
So now I'm not really sleepy. Just a tad. And my ulcers make talking/smiling/eating difficult.
Meh.

Nominees camp was alright though.
Imagine sleeping at 2am after a long day(Friday) and waking up at 540am(Saturday) for a morning run. haha. To Bukit Timah and back, it was shorter than last year's though=/
I learnt to play the drums!! Something like 4 basic beats or whatever you call them. =)))
Still wanna make sure I perfect the Brazilian Samba one though.
rawr.
This year's batch... Well, they'll become better I'm sure=)
I more or less wasted my Saturday and Sunday.
meep.
Oh no.

Sigh.

Too old too young.

Be nice now Joy. come on. It isn't that hard.

2009-04-15T00:03:00.003+08:00

14th April 2009

CATS The Musical was REALLY good=DDDD
Wheeeee.
super fun=))
a bit boring at times but largely entertaining, and their voices were simply magnificant!
I loveee the rock and roll attention seeking cat what's-his-name. =D
Saw Hossan Leong, Joakim Gomez(heh.) and some random Under One Roof actress.
Basically quite a few VIPs.
I figure cause it was the Gala Premiere.
=/
lalalala.
I love the musickkkkkkk.
=D

They even prowled up and down the aisles(crowd interaction=)
Props and setting were grrreat.
=D
lovely.

2009-04-13T23:22:00.002+08:00

13th April 2009

I need a new basketful of adjectives.
What can one call the following, albeit in a single word:

-unsure
-tired
-irate
-apprehensive
-jaded
-indifferent
-pulled in different directions
-normal
-restricted

I want to jump, yell, run and run and run till I'm worn out, skip, cry, laugh, sing, prance, give the finger to the world and do what i want.
Till I'm sick of it.

Contrary to popular belief, sitting down to do work doesn't come easy for me.
I have to really set my mind to do my homework or study or whatever.
*bobs head*
argh.

Pink- So What

2009-04-11T01:06:00.003+08:00

11th April 2009

It rained before during and after 3pm on Good Friday.
Symbolism.

Maundy Thursday mass at Christ The King with Ali on.. Thursday=)
Whom I hadn't met for a real conversation in a long time so it was nice=DDD
Was alright, but was falling asleep during homily. It was long okay.
And hymns are sleep inducing.
And later, went for dinupper at Subway in TP.
Then Kopi and cake at Coffeebean.
Then mini/singular church visiting.
hahaha.
Risen Christ.
=))
Was fruitful I think.

IKEA!

"Tuts my barreh, play wit me sumor, tuts my barreh"
"ken leeee, tulibudibudouchyou"
=D

School's been tiring. busy. draining.
PW was disappointing.
But I'll live:)

I need to trim my mane.

2009-04-04T02:08:00.002+08:00

4th April 2009

Time check:2.08am
PTM's in 6hours 37mins.
meh.

School's been alright.
this week has been reallyreally draining but i've survived it.
Had a horrid headache the whole of Thur and Fri. And neckache the entire week.
Meh.
Went for Pennitential Service at SFX yesterday(Friday Night).
I felt I did more reflection in the Adoration Room than during the confession.
O.O

Workload's piling up.
Council work's okay but add it to the homework= O.O
Plus extra History readings and GP notes.

One good thing came outta this week: Got GOLD for NAPFA for the first time in my life=))))
2.4km was a bit disappointing though.
I want to run it again. In the morning before assembly= very nice conditions(usually=).
Better remember to tell Mr Lim if I do.
7seconds=(
I could've done it, but it was the horrid-est weather for running, hot and humid and all. argh.

Better sleep.
PTM edges ever closer=/

2009-03-25T21:13:00.002+08:00

25th March 2009

I don't know what to think. what to feel anymore.
Am I supposed to, just cause I'm human?
Are we trustworthy beings. Are we worthy or deserving of being praised, and critiqued simultaneously.

Even if we are, by whose standards are we judged?

I can't bring myself to trust. I don't know whether to. on anything. not just the minute. anything worth entrusting.

I don't know whether I'm real anymore. We change, sometimes to what people expect of us and other times to what we want or expect of ourselves. Its only human no?

Does who I am; all my flaws and positives make me a loveable human being.
Does it make me who I am.
Does my character allow me to accept this entity i call Me.
And why is this all so hard?

For lack of a more coherent focus or fragmentation.

It is what it is.

Stars- The Night Starts Here

2009-03-21T01:49:00.001+08:00

21st March 2009

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I'm in a cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you try to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing stops
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

Coldplay- Lost

2009-03-14T01:53:00.002+08:00

14th March 2009

Its 1:55am
O.O!

haha.
Listening to Devendra Banhart is so psychedelic.

Its 03:04am
O.O!

School's been alright.
CTs were average/bad and horrid.
Depending.
=/

ah well.
March Hols here we GO.

2009-03-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

08th March 2009

I feel hypocritical.
eurgh.

CTs. (O.O)

Mon-GP, H1 Math
Tue-Hist
Wed-Lit
Thur-Econs and CLB.
Fri- Its over.

Maybe what people think i look like i'm thinking is what i want them to think.

2009-03-06T00:45:00.002+08:00

05th March 2009

Its March world.
Are you surprised at how fast the year is going by?
I am. a wee bit.
I'm conflicted.
For reasons more than uno.

JASON MRAZ was goooooooooooooooood.
=DDDD
=DDDD
Yuppers. I wish the concert didn't end=(
He sounds exactly like in his cds.
oh my lorrrr.
His voice was pitch perfect the entire concert.
His band was funkyyy.
As was he.
He took polaroids of each of his band members and himself and threw them one by one into the crowd!
like. ohmylorrrrrr.
The saxophonists came to my area to play for one songgggggg=DDD
Awesummmm.
Got a number of pictureessss.
Sat with Fred,Nic,Seren,Marcus,Deb,Ali,Pei Ying and her friends.

The concert was good not only cause of the great vocals and stage presence but also because its the first time i've been to a concert and they've started within half an hour, and played a solid 1 1/2 hour set.
=DDDDD

Studies worry me,
daily life paces on by,
Yet i feel like i'm in a state of stasis.
Stuck. in mud. or in cement, whichever you like.

I'm afraid.
why in the world i am escapes me.
I just have this unsettled feeling at the bottom of my stomach.
For a while its been there.
Perhaps its the layering of different situations and issues that have been clouding my vault.

I sound like such a troubled lit student.
-shrugs-

2009-02-28T21:32:00.002+08:00

28th February 2009

Yawn.
I slept most of my Saturday away.
I'm wasting time when i should be doing my h/w and studying for CTs.
.
.
.
It's raining now. Yet its stifling in the room i'm in.
School's been hectic.
Rockafella was interesting. Most of it was.. mediocre.
Left school at about 1045pm.
-Yawn-
Ran 11rounds/3.6km-ish yesterday.
Did pull ups and sit ups after.
Was basically very tired at the end of the day.

I miss going out. And not being responsible enough to do my work, or having to do it.
Eurgh.

Stop thinking so much Joy.
Especially.not.that.thought.
bah.

sidenote: How do you know what's true when all the world's an illusion? What you see or believe is a product of how you were brought up and in what environment.

2009-02-19T23:39:00.004+08:00

19th February 2009

I think there's a forest fire somewhere in Singapore.
The air coming into my house, though windy and cool currently smells like trees burning.

Valentines' Day was fun=)
IG outing.
Hahaha.
Was.. Fun=D

Fun is fun whilst it lasts. Then reality comes back with a whoosh to memory and Fun isn't so fun anymore.

Pre-V Day in CJ was fun too, continued getting gifts till Wednesday this week,
hahaha.

Beginning to adequately catch up with all my subs, except a bit of Math and Econs.
I miss going out just to randomly scout Singapore for nice chillin' places.
Be it by myself or with Friends=)

I haven't seen people in nearly 2months, some, more.
-sigh-

I had a good quote in mind and now, i forgot it.
meh.

2009-02-08T23:43:00.002+08:00

8th February 2009

Orientation was good.
IG 10 was good
Aphro owned=)
Logistics will always be in my memory.
All the sweat, running everywhere, up and down the sheltered grandstand, carrying heavy shit.
Finale night made all our effort worth it=)
Though our nice banner couldn't really be seen properly, and our shields too.
But hell yeah.
We did it.
IG 10 and Aphro.
=)
I'll miss the fun.

-------

Whilst i knew you only those three years,
you were always smiling, laughing, fretting over this or that.
Studious indeed. Cheerful-yeaah. Fun-ahuh.
The fun times in council and out of it will always remain.
I know you're somewhere up there looking down.
Smiling.

2009-02-02T20:47:00.002+08:00

2nd February 2009

It's the first day of Orientation; over.
It was fun. Sore throat is sore-er.
The first bus of the day came at 610am.
So much for going to school at 545am.
Woke up at 530am.
Thought i could be in school by 6am.
But there was NO bus.
mehmehhhhh.

TIRED,
TIRED
Tie-errreddd.

Aching in places i never knew had muscles.
lol.
Ran a lot today.
IG10!!
A lot of people. But yeaaaah we rock.
Tomorrow will be funner.
Yes it will.
Oh yeahhh,
more tired but heck.

FOTIZO: Enlightenment or illumination(Orientation theme.)

Mass dance presentation was maluating.
reallyreally.
Rushed like crazy for Logistics ran everywhere.
Up the sheltered grandstand Down the grandstand and up and down.
From Audi to the Cave to the Field to the SCC to the Audi to everywhere else my house was; trying to catch up with them.

House walk-in was more embarrassing.
Heart painted on face, SHIELDS OWN.
I felt embarrassed.
LOL.
Too scared to laugh in the end.
YEAH APHRO!
"You can't stop the beat" rocked and was funfunfun!
Really tired. Yeah. that's clear. heh.
Fell asleep in SCC(student council centre) after the other work was done.

Discussed finale night then headed home.

Doing homework now, in an attempt to not lag so much in tutorials and lectures.

-------

Bitching is a part of life. For some, perhaps even a way of life.
People talk.
You just got to rise above the talk and walk the walk.
We(or most of us) hate/abhor/dislike others talking about us.
But isn't ironic that we sometimes cannot resist or hold within us an urge to release perhaps an unhappiness or disgruntled emotion or even annoyance?

No one's perfect.

2009-01-31T01:15:00.002+08:00

31st January 2009

I feel twisted.
Yes, i do.
heh.

"And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies"

The song Blower's Daughter makes me contemplative/gloomy in thinking of the three Ps.
Past. Present. Future.
Okay. fine. The PPF.
O.o
I sound like a weather report "today's forecast is slighty damp and cloudy.."

Rubbish.

2009-01-27T01:06:00.003+08:00

27th January 2009

CNY's hereeee!
Happy Chinese (don't kill me for this) Niu Year=D
May all the 15 days of the New Year be fun filled and interestingly enlightening.
Today
Was the first time i've entertained so many people on The First Day of CNY.
In total, today alone, 28.
And two batches came in large groups or simultaneously.
Like 10(relatives which i don't remember ever seeing before)
And 13- spilt into 7 and 5(two different groups. O.O)

I'm tired.
Its past 1am.
More entertaining tomorrow.
HOMEWORK:
Go fly a kite okay?
And don't return till next CNY when its too late to do you.
That sounds gross.

[I think i've got heartburn. And gastric.]
-shrugs-

And did i mention,
some relatives(the ones i'd never seen before) thought i was my mom.
I opened the gate,
And they went(fyi: my mom's nickname is nellie.)

-stares at each other, 7 against 1-
-pause-
"Hullooooo Nellie"
Me:"erm. Yeah, I'm her daughter, Happy New Year."
Next Person:"Hello Nellie, -hugs-"
Me:"erm. I'm her daughter"
then something like, mutters "oh, no wonder so skinny and look younger also!"
Lol.
They indirectly/directly insulted my mom(seeing as i'm not exactly skinny already, lol).
O.O

Oh another girl went "I know your name, its... Elizabeth right?"
Me: "Do i look like an Elizabeth(with a grin on my face)?
She:"NO! That's why!"
O.O
Me:"I'm Joy.-grin-"

Another classic:
"Eh, how were your A levels?"
Me:"Erm, I'm J2 this year."
=/

Life scares me sometimes.
Like now.

2009-01-18T02:07:00.002+08:00

18th January 2008

HAPPY BURPDAY SEREN!
=DDD
Although its over already, hope you had fun=)

I feel like someone flicked dirt off his shoe and it landed in water and dissolved.
I wish i was emotionless sometimes.
I wanna scream.
When i'm loudest, funniest, perhaps even most tackless,
Its when i'm feeling most against the unfairness of life sometimes.
And try to subconsciously drown the black unavoidable parts of life out.

---

My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

2009-01-16T22:12:00.002+08:00

16th January 2008

LalalaLALALALA LALALALA heyyyyy judeee.
O.O
I'm not even listening to The Beatles now.
Actually, Jason Mraz.
But that song came in my mind. So yeah.

Everyone I know posted a First-Day-At-School post so.
I am posting a 5th/last day of the first week school post.
=/

School's alright.
I sit at the front row.
Not really caught for anything.
PE lessons are gonna be more intense.
Homework's loading up.
Readings piling up.
Orientation work.(House, Logistics.)
Council work.

But I'm still alright so far.
=)
But reaally shagged by the third day of the week.
It'd accumulate i know but -sigh-
i hope it will be survivable.
=D

Before I nod off into wonderland,
HAPPY FREAKIN' BURPDAYS
RUTHIE(17th!)
AND
JOANIE.(19th!)
(both of yous share the same burpday. WOW. haha=)
Hope your days rocked your socks off.

p.s: I'm only a month and a half older than you ruthie. so shuddup.
HAHA

2009-01-12T21:59:00.002+08:00

12th January 2009

School's started.
Its been alright thus far.
It hasn't started with any drama yet. Hopefully, this year'll pass without any.
=)
I'm cool with my seat, teachers and classroom-J block(for the uniniated, its the block with the biggest classrooms in CJ-ithink- and reallllly windy)
The wind messes up my hair. a lot.
School'll be fine this year.
I got to believe it.
Common Tests.MidYears.Prelims.MockPapers.
The Big One.
What's gonna decide the next big step in my life.
The move from one tertiary institution to another higher level one.
P.E tomorrow.
pssfh.
People have started studying.
I shalt soon. soon.

2009-01-02T23:52:00.002+08:00

5mins to 3rd January 2009

1.Are you one of the most popular students in school?
I don't think so.

2.Do you think you got the looks?
Average=/

3.When was the last time you went out with your buddies?
For Tea-inner today.(does one count?=)

4.How many times in a week do you go out?
If holidays, up to 5 days.

5.Do you like to be alone?
Moderately.

6.Do you intend to be famous in the future?
No.

7.Do you have the courage to stand infront of an audience and show them your talent?
Perhaps, i might need a bit of needling.

8.Would you rather go to a midnight party with your friends or go to a dinner with your bestfriends?
Dinner.

9.What's your most embarrassing moment?
Not sure. There're quite a few.

10.What's the best moment of your life?
Haha. erm. I'm not sure.

11. Tag 5 people to do this quiz.
I shall rebel and not do that.
Fine, one person. That's all.
(cause she wants to do it.=)

1)Stef.

2009-01-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

2nd January 2009

First post in 'o9.
Wow.
Don't feel no different, except for the feeling that i get a fresh start at whatever i'm doing with my life.
Only.. yeah. anyhow.

Oh i forgot to mention in the Viet post, painted nails felt and look/ed weird to me.
I still think black's better. hahaha.
i think.

Yesterday was a strange day, mulling and basically in my own air bubbled zone.
Yeap. Go figure.
We ate porridge for New Year's Eve. Haha.
Cause of some nonsense.
And I stayed up late to listen/watch/waiiit for the seconds to the new year.
This year, it didn't feel that special, but now it feels a bit more.

I need to trim my hair. Note: trim not cut short(hint to someone. hahaha=)
anyhoww.
Yeap.
That's the new year for me folks.
Have a good '09=D

Lemme see about resolutions.
haha last year's ones were more or less fulfilled except for lemme see.
dug this up from last last year(07).

RESOLUTIONS (2008):

1. Smile more and be more positive.
2. Work hard and then play.
3. Curse less. (i'm improving already!)
4. Make the most of first month and subsequent months in whichever JC.
5. Lose some weight. heh. maybe start with.. 6kg for 2008. at least.
6. Stop doing at least one of the things I do. heh.
7. Get pass promos with passable if not alright grades.
8. Be less cynical and annoyed and take stuff in my stride and shrug it off.

Well. I managed 1,2(moreorless.), 3(hardly now), 4(some were bad), 5, 6(i managed to stop 2 things=), 7, 8. WOW.
that's a lot.

So much for this article i read saying setting more than three resolutions won't work. hahaha. i set 8 then, and it worked.

So. Resolutions for '09:

1)Work hard for As
2)Live,laugh,be chill and good natured mostly
3)Continue smiling=)
4)Look to the present and future, and less of the past.
5)Lose 4kg. at least. haha.

Coolio.
=D
Let's see at the end of this year whether i managed it all=D

2008-12-31T02:28:00.002+08:00

31st December 2008

Crap. Its the last day of the year.
crappy coocooo.
The new year's scary.
=((
New beginnings? Maybe.
maybe.

VIETNAM:

Day 1:
Arived, got a shock/surprise at the amount of motorbikes and scooters which exist in HCM. They leaned on our cab to avoid getting wet in the flooded areas! Dinner with Hong and mom at the random fish head boat-restuarant and "cruise" along the river.

Day 2:
Ban Tre Tour, along this river in HCM, got scrapped on my knee at the very first stop at one of the many mini islands within the vast river.
Got to sit in a sampan too, and view the river/lake/sea/(imagine closely knitted islands that can only be found if you know where to steer the boat)
Tried coconut sweets made on an island, rice crackers made from rice paper which is made from... rice leaves?
Bamboo bark made into utensils and other things like cig holders.
It RAINED.
argh. just as we were visiting the honey farm/trying viet fruits and listening to their music.
No shelter.
And we hadddd to go on the pull cart donkey thingy as it was pouring O.O
It was fun. with 6 females on one cart, pulled by a donkey being whipped by a man trotting over uneven ground in the rain. while it was an unfortunate time of the month for me.
Well.
It was fun i guess=D
Bus ride to the river from HCM was 1 and a 1/2 hours.
nods-
On the way back, saw men peeing along the dusty,weeds growing,muddy-ish roadside.

Dinner at a nice restaurant, while the match against Thailand with Vietnam was on.
CRAZZY.
I'm not a fan of football.
And scarcely know naught about it.
BUT.
The semi/frenzy/crowding/cannot-move-anywhere crowds of people on motorbikes/people/stuck taxis and cars that night in HCM was mad.
I had/have never never seen such a thing before in my life.
Vietnam's national flag drapped around people, on sticks being held up, waved in the streets.
Chanting of "Vietnam WARRIOR" and all- we could hear it from inside our restaurant which was playing music and when we went out, it was so much louder.
Was insane.
Vietnamese lined up along the streets banging on pots,pans,metal sticks,their motorcycle helmets,big bottles,ANYTHING. just cheering.
People were using our cab to beat out tunes, jumping on our bonnet, leaning on our windows(that was how cramped it was on the roads)
It was so bad that after 1 and about half hours we got outta the cab and walked/hurried back to the hotel afraid of getting mobbed or stuck admist vietnamese high/drunk/sweaty/scary because of their win over thailand in the AFF finals(i think that's what it's called.)
Wow.
I went to sleep(literally) hearing the sound of motorbikes whizzing past the hotel(which had a window facing the road and wasn't that tall-we were on the second floor) and whooting and chanting alongside clanging of pots and whatnot.

Day 3:
Breakfast at some restaurant that's sorta like the viet version of marche, and a lot smaller with no ac, but interesting. We later found out from Hong and Mai that it's an apparently hard to get into place cause its always crowded. [ When we went, it wasn't that crowded]
Shopping at Ben Thanh Market and Saigon Square. which aren't really squares nor markets. The former's like this open air building which accomodates anything from a hawker centre to stores selling baking tins to coffee beans and souvernirs. Sorta like the Chatuchat(spelling's wrong i know) market in Bangkok. The latter's like the aircon-ed version of Ben Thanh without the hawker centre and selling mostly bags,dvds, clothes, specs, watches and similar items. Lots and lots of fakes till i was disillusioned. haha.
Tried the national dish, Pho(pronouned like "Fur")
Its like think kway teow noodles in soup with, usually, beef on top. And, as with almost everything in HCM/Vietnam, served with shredded vegetables and MINT.

Day 4:
Breakfast at the hotel, the Vietnamese version of the French Loaf rocks.
It's smaller, cruncher and filled with more air spaces than the former. Its reealllly nice with butter. Or whatnot.

Lunch at Hong's house=D
And then the airport and home.
=D
The amount of fruits we/my mom bought was mad.mad.mad.

-Many more details to add.
Rawr. but i'm tired. and its nearly 3am.
1)Ibought things for other people and i like many of them too. lol.
2)I didn't get clothes except for a few cause they don't really cater to larger people, like, haha, the Americans.(Not being racist or whatnot)
3)I was initially(and still am i think) freaked out by how the hawkers grabbed people/me by the arms/shirt/whatever i'm wearing to ask me to buy their wares.
4) Am sick of them calling me" Mammm, buy shirt man, very cheap, best price mam"
OH. and their killer line "Original one mam" - yeah right. haha.
5)Motorbikes rule the streets. Like if its a two laned street, one lane's largely cars and whatnot, the rest of the space and the other lane's filled with bikes/scooters/bicycles/trishaws.
6)Sightseeing was cool. Saw their post office- had a huge ass painting of HCM himself.
Reminded me of History. argh. The first church in Vietnam(i think)- Notre Dam church. And a few more.
7)Beggars everywhere.
8)Jaywalking is perfectly normal. Like. Not like Singapore normal. Like people cross the road in the middle of traffic normal with tons of motorbikes coming at them. I did that the whole time there, by the time i left, was kinda used to it. At first, it was like an adrenalin rush.
LOL.
9)People carrying baskets with a stick/ cab drivers bugging tourists everywhere.
Annoying. argh.
10) The sound of vietnamese hawkers' is still in my head. ahhhhhh.
"Very cheep" "Best price already" "nnnnnnnnooooorrr"- how they express their No. ha.

ogay. That's it till i remember more.
-yawn-
Shat.
The new year.
shatshatshatshatshat.
WHERE DID 2008 GO.

2008-12-25T22:30:00.002+08:00

25th December 2008

The mandatory It's-Christmas-Post.

Anyhow
Merry Christmas everyone=D
That means those feeling the cheer and those mucking about.
=)
My theory's that as i grow older, i get less Christmassy every 25th December.
=/

Anyhowwwww.
My left eardrum hurts. It pounds. argh.

Went for Christmas Eve Midnight Mass.
The choir was goood. =D
People dressed up for the occasion.
Like, It's St Iggy's.
People should dress well for Christmas. I guess.
Before that. Had Christmas dinner with Aunty Baby, and the family.
Every year. I say;
We eat less of our -I think it's a 7 to 10kg- turkey.
Yeah.
This year we ate less than half.
Partially due to the spread.
Ask me i'll tell you... if i feel like it=D

After which we headed over for a second dinner party O.O of which i didn't eat anything except for a bowl of mango thingy(no, it's not mango pudding).

Slept at like 3am.

TODAY:
Visited one house.
Had one dinner party at my house.
Was tiring.
yawn.
Presents are kinda cool.
Ones I like:

1)Some long flip open wallet thing.
2)Nail Polish(s) from the Face Shop(i think.) my Mom and Sis got for me (With a printed out manual on "How to paint nails" O.O)
3)Chocolates from Joanieeee (anyone wants chocs?)
4)Lotion from BodyShop that was technically my grams but yeah. LOL.
5)Fossil pouch/wallet thingy.
6)In terms of usefulness, i guess this one's on the list too: 4gb Thumbdrive.
=D

2008-12-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

23rd December 2008

Rawr.
Ogay.
So lunch at my house was really quite pathatic with only 4 people turning up in the end.
lol, but i guess it was cosy=))
Vic,Ali,Joan and Audrey graced me with their presence. haha.
It was a filling lunch and lazy afternoon.
=D
Yay.
Coolio.

2008-12-20T16:12:00.002+08:00

20th December 2008

Another day. Another set of experiences=)

Yesterday:
Facil games practice was fun though i couldn't play one game cause of my archilles tendon thingy(yeahyeah,not ankle. lol.)
I nearly got hit by a cyclist.
I saw Timothy Nga(the actor), the Hubstation commercial dude and THE Tranny(that strumpet showed me online), freakkkky.
Still sick.
Met up with Ali and Veek.
We'regrowingupandoldno?
Was in a weird mind thing the whole day.
Saw/Bumped into a multitude of CJ people, wahh.
And church people
And ex-ij people
Saw four groups of people in one mall-lido O.O
Couldn't hear most of what Ali and Veek said most of the time. Due to blocked ears and nose.

Today:
Learnt the new orientation mass dance.
Rather cool and fun=D
Not that hard. But seeing as i can't dance, it looks retarded when i do the dance.
haha.
Dancing Queennnn and "369 the geese drank wine the monkey smoked tobacco on a straight car line, the line broke the monkey got choked and they all went to heaven in a little rowboat"
Lunch and pool after with the remanants of Aphro. haha.
=)

2008-12-18T22:22:00.002+08:00

18th December 2008

I feel sick. I am sick. I abhor being sick.
I am woman hear me roar.
lol.
I've got a sore throat, flu(blocked nose), sorta-sprained-ankle and a headache.

So. Council Retreat was good.
The best camp i've had this year me thinks.
Cause its like the first time this year i more or less put my heart into something school related.
O.O

Lots of bonding and activities, though it accumulated into like, the sickness i have now.
lol.
I still think its the bbq-smokeinhalation and oily food coupled with vigorous activity and dehydration, heh.
=/

Yes. Outing with Ali todaay.
Followed her gift shopping=))
Nearly killed me but i still went, haha.
ah well. rather fun, would've been funner if i wasn't sick but you take what you get no?

Met Ena after. I'll miss you, you buggerish bimbo.
A bit weird at first but we warmed up didn't we?=)
Take care of yourself you hear?
I'll be waiting for word on life there.

2008-12-13T23:45:00.003+08:00

13th December 2008

Saturday the 13th doesn't have such a frightening ring to it as Friday the 13th.
O.O

Anyhoww.
Today was fun=))
Cook-out at joanny's house. hee.
Potatoes and salad AND thousand island dressing galore O.O
And they liked the cookies and shortbread=D
Watched the incredibles and sorta watched gungfu panda. haha.
Dessert was ice cream with cakeeee( that ali bought/brought)
=]

After which.
We-Seren, Joan, I- met up with ali again before the B n J gig thingy.
HAHA.
The christmas deco along orchard/dhoby ghaut towards the cathay were on fire! small but noticeable. Someone(lol) suggested calling the police, but awww, the fire went out.
Met with Selig and Wid!
You were greaaaaat you giantress if you're reading this=))))
No worries at all yo.
haha.
Encore all. =D
I like your voice!
yay!

Thennn.
Supper/Dinner then. short window shopping. then. homeee.
rawr.

Ogay.
Quiz time.

Regulations of this quiz is:- People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by them.- Tag 5 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse.- These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by.- Continue this game by sending it to other people.Tagged by: Strumpet=)
Q: If you had 3 wishes, what will that be?

1- For some people to stop thinking something even if it might be a half truth.
2- To lose weight(though this is a want/need. haha.)
3- To be content.

Q: Did you ever think to yourself and wonder if you're really real?

Sometimes. Doesn't everyone?

Q: Are you afraid of what lies ahead of you?

Parts of the future scare me, like the As and uncertainty about some issues but other than that no, I embrace spontaneity.

Q: Would you change yourself for the person you love?

If they're bad bits yeah.

Q: Do you believe in Love?

Yeah.

Q: How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

Until 85% of the people i know are married(?)

Q: Is there anything that made you unhappy these days?

Not unhappy, contemplative.

Q: Do you get butterflies in your stomach whenever you're around the guy/girl you like?

Nope. O.O

Q: Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head?

Yeah. Rawr.

Q: Who are currently most important people to you?

My closest friends.

Q: Have you ever wanted someone but you knew you couldn't?

Erm. Debatable.

Q:Are you happy with your life?

Yeah. More or less.

Q: Would you give your all in a relationship?

Yeah, ( i seem to be saying that a lot..)

Q: What type of friends do you like?

Good ones. Ones that i can flow with and aren't so easily judgemental.

Q: Do you often wish there was something you could change?

Yeah, again, doesn't everyone?

Q: Which is your favourite body part of the opposite gender?

Erm. Eyes. Legs(?)

Q: If your lover betrayed you, what will be your reaction?

O.O

done-d.

i'd tag people.
But.
I know they all won't do it.
So. Naaahhh.
Rules are meant to be broken=D
If you read this and wanna do the quiz, just do it =)

2008-12-10T18:45:00.003+08:00

10th December 2008

Hullo world=)

Baked chocolate chip cookies yesterday.
hee.
And baked shortbread tooodaaay.
It was fun.
Now. To think of new recipes and things to bake and cook.

Been thinking quite a bit too.
About things old and new,
life's not fair.
That much is true.
But that doesn't stop us from being who we are,
nor stopping me from moving on.

only one more year.

2008-12-08T02:20:00.000+08:00

8th December 2008

It's 220am.
wow.

anyhow.

I bought:
1)Pair of converse low cuts
2)Purple heels with a kinda cute bow.
yesterday=)

yay.
i should be sleeping.

2008-12-05T00:35:00.003+08:00

5th December 2008

Yeah.
Okay.
This doesn't feel like a birthday.
Yesterday and the day before that did. =/
But then again, its like in the midst of the wee hours in the morning. maybe it'd feel more, erm, "happy" later.

Okay.
SO.

3rd was nice=DD :
Meeting with ALI turned out to be a surprise thingmajig with VIC=D
awww.
i was totally convinced by alibar's mono-face. hahahaha.
But what gave it away was the location location location=D
But i was still surprised(pleasantly)
Thanks girlies=))
Walked around for a bit after and then headed home.
[And YES i was happy. You'll just couldn't tell. hahahahhaa]

Today/Yesterday(the 4th):
was spent with sis, watched The Secret Life Of Bees.
Bloddy good=DDDD
It's prolly one of the best(or the best) movie i watched this year.
YEAH.
Really touching.

Christmas Shoppinnggggg:
heeehee.
Now I'm sorta broke sorta not broke.
sweets and other stuff galore.
Bought necklace(s?), earstuds, christmas lights for the christmas treee and erm. i can't remember.
=)
Yay.
Now all i need is more stuff and the proper bags.
=D

[edit]

It's now later on the 5th.
I've got a kinda sore throat from council facil session just now.
HAHA: Aphrodiate is our house.
Lunch at carl's jr was fun, Angela is loud.and violent. lol.=D
Excited about orientation and the bond-ed-ness of our house.
Surprising myself:]
but it was largely fun=D
Thanks to all those who wished me, be it online, on facebook, sms, call, email, or in person=D
And even to yinting who thought i was born on the 4th.
hahaaaaa, and thought she was late. =D
And yes,
I went to Conrad to collect my own birthday cake and on the way got somemore christmas stuff . hahaha.
I know, sounds weird to collect my own cake.
-shrugs-
It's a freaking nice cake! as usual( And it was nearly ruined by the bus ride-an hour including waiting time- home.)
Everyone on the bus was staring at me and the cake box on my lap.
Especially since the bus was jerking so much and screeching to a halt at all the stops before mine.
Cause i was holding it slightly above my lap, afraid it'd getting ruined.
lol.

I have NEVER taken a chocolate mousse cake on an hour long journey before.
I thought it'd melt by the time i got back. which it didn't=DDD

AND thanks strumpet,it was nice of youuu, it really was.
<3

[And yes. I'm online on my birthday. okaaay. But i've celebrated it a few times before today already=D And got 4 cakes(1 shared and 1 was technically a muffin with a candle buttt still.) And it's been the best birthday(s) since i've been celebrating since the 3rd and yeah. i'm happy.]

2008-12-03T15:25:00.002+08:00

2nd December 2008

It's December!
wow.
This is so typical year end shock kinda posting.
But seriously. Where'd the year go!
ha.

CJ prom duty on Monday.
The good/bad/ugly.
People looked really good=)
Except for some. Like crossdresser(wth?!haha.)

Met up with the strumpet and lin yesterday=)
Watched Wild Child. (shock. haha. It wasn't that bad, just corny and typical)
Played guitar hero for what i think was the first time in my life.
Was kinda fun=D
Am now sort of broke. bah.

Council meeting today was quite fun=D
hahaha. Christmas countdown and all.
Oh, and Nat bought a cake for the 'cember babies. LOL.
which included herself so was quite funny. Coffee cake from bangawan(spelling?) solo

-yawn-
Ogay that's about all.
Meeting Ali laterr.

2008-11-26T22:56:00.002+08:00

26th November 2008

So.
I'm back from Batam.
Four days of fun/hard work/enlightening moments/crazy shopping/hotel room pranks.

Day 1:

Arrival in Batam. Didn't realise they were an hour slower than Singapore till this trip.
Got introduced to our tour guide Sandra(it's a guy. he was nice)
We went to the hotel, waited around then ate lunch at some number tourist restaurant near the hotel-Golden Prawn 995? or 555?
lol.

We then went to the orphanage to start cleaning and plastering the walls.
Tara and I played with the kids most of the time=)

The hotel was supposedly 4starred. More like 4 imitation stars and attempts at grandeur.
Room was comfy though, bunked with Trin,Nette and Belle.
HA.
Pranked Sherrie with Nat,Tara and Dora.(their room was oppposite ours)
Pushed her mattress to the door and on the count of three, lifted her pillow and sheets outta the room into the corridoor and ran back into our rooms.
lol!

Was darn funny to see her reaction-gathering all her blankets and pillow and staring around the corridoor on the floor in bewilderment. hehehehe.

Day 2:

Started paint work and cementing the hugehuge crack in the wall(you could see through the other side). Painted the room a base white and the first layer of the final blue.

A few stayed in the boys dorm while the others went to the playroom to start on the paint job and mural.

Played less with the kiddies today=/

Shopped a bit, got a shirt and a hairband-shrugs-
The shirt's cool.

Played Truth or Dare in the room and beyond, haha.

Day 3:

Finished up work on the boys dorm.
It was a fufilling day.
And also an enlightening one, both positive and negative(only partially).
At least, now i know how some feel on the subject and on the other subject.
Learnt that people thought i was hardworking,have an interesting perspective and listens in the reflection thingy. was nice being affirmed=)
Especially after what i found out some time before that.

Got pranked by Nat's room. haha. They apparently pranked the whole room.
One by one.
They got sherrie to collect me on the pretext of having pranked everyone and discussing stuff so i went to their room and got tumbled onto the floor with blankets and sheets covering me, rolled to a cave and left inside. HAHA. Their cave was two beds seperated by a bedside table and a mattress covering the space inbetween. The "door" was an overturned table. haha.

After that, we all tried to prank Jess's room to limited success, haha, Renu was easy, ran out to the corridoor and put a sheet over her and pushed/rolled her into the room and cave.
lol.

Day 4:

Breakfast,checkout,more shopping, got keropok for grandma/mom/tina and shirt/___ for Stef.
lol.
JCo Donuts are good=DD and cheap. 6000 rupiah for one. which is like 70cents for one in Spore money cause S$1=8000rupiah there.

Then, byebye to Sandra and ferry home, mrt and bus to homesweethome.
=)

2008-11-16T12:18:00.003+08:00

16h November 2008

Ogay.
So.
I've been out=)

Met up with Hesson and Hannah some time back inbetween OP and now
played pool, window shopped and just hung out. yay.

Thur:
met with ali,vic n seren for a short catch up thingy over dinner and dessert.
=D
Too short! Because someone chao-ed so fast. mehmeh.

Inbetween catching up with the forementioned,

Watched HSM3 [0.0] with Stef. Was alright i guess. except a tad too cliched.
Watched Quantum of Solace with classmates, was alright too. haha. didn't have high expectations of another Bond movie.
Going to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua(is that what its name is?) with Stef on Monday=)

hahaha.

Friday/Saturday morn:
gate-crashed IJ prom.
Saw a lot of people, and missed a few more=/
More girls wearing gowns than my year O.^
Widya looked GOOOD.
So did Fredddd=))
Hung out with Seren and had a nice chat thingajig:]
Walked nearly everywhere, from orchard to cityhall to clarke quay before she caught the bus back.
Then i met up with wid and fid,
haha.
Walked from clarke quay to Esplanade. ninnypoks.
Wid's house, movie. First bus home.
Lol.
Then slept from 8am-ish till 4pm.

And now its Sunday
Soon I'll be at Batam painting an orphanage=)
Yeah.
Ah well.

And council inbetween everything else.

2008-11-04T12:50:00.003+08:00

4th November 2008

PW's over. Finally.
No more.
yeaaaaaaah.

OP was very good, for the whole group=D
The questions were a tad challenging but we did it.
hahaha.
Our examiners- that was the funny part.
Wanted to have fun and go out and all that after but i had a tsunami of a headache the whole of yesterday so yeah=(
It was the worstest headache i've ever had.
At least today it has more or less gone.
Had lunch with Dan after PW, wasn't that fruitful but poo- another time!

I can't believe i wanna watch HSM 3, I must be going mad.
lol.

-ANYONE WANTS TO GO OUT?-

2008-10-25T23:00:00.002+08:00

25th October 2008

Strolled around town with ali for a bit today,
looked for slippers, both food from The Market Place in raffles city(for no reason),
met fred at katib,went to fairprice to buy ingredients,
then we all headed to freddy's house for cook out.
haha.
mac and cheeseeee. so much cheese!
>.<

watched a bit of laggy Sister Act 2 then headed home.
Meh.

Biennale! slippers. canvas. shoes. cds. clothes.

2008-10-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

16th October 2008

Why do i feel as if i have a big red bullseye painted on my back?

2008-10-11T23:33:00.002+08:00

11th October 2008

I have found out how much i missed spontaneity since i've been in cj.
A bit at a time I'm regaining my spontaneity.
Though i only can doing the leeettle breaks we're given.
bah.
Another day, another set of experiences.
=)

School. School.SCHOOL. After a mere day off from the exams and stress -_-
(weekend doesn't count. Cause it should be mandatory for them to be free days.)
On monday.
Meh.

shall not test me mam's patience a third consecutive time.
(But comeon, it's right after my promos. And you were rude to me.)
Tmr i SHALL be home by dinner time.
So i say.
heh.
And i bet i know who'll read this so i can't elaborate much on stuff.
-shrugs-

"Cause life's like that."

2008-10-10T22:16:00.002+08:00

10th October 2008

happy birthday TIM=D
(though you prolly won't read this and i already wished you.)
have fun with your brit friends=)

Had the C.A wing outing with my fellow C.A councillors. Was quite fun i guess?
Though our butts really really hurt after that.
Cause of the small bicycle seats.
Pantats.
Like, mine still does.
haha.

So.
Today has been the most interesting and enlightening 10th of October ever.
Hmmm.
maybe more interesting than enlightening. Or both.
-shrugs-
lol.
looking forward to next week.
heh.

2008-10-07T23:12:00.005+08:00

7th October 2008

I think Wall-E's the nicest movie.
Largely free of lusty love scenes that most love stories would have.
So innocent and pure. And we're talking about robots.
=)))

Check out the song, from Wall-e.
It's so beauuuuuu-ti-fool.

Wall-e : Down To Earth

"Did you think that your feet had been bound
By what gravity brings to the ground?
Did you feel you were tricked
By the future you picked?
Well, come on down"

2008-10-03T14:38:00.001+08:00

3rd October2008

HISTORY'S OVER HISTORY'S OVER HISTORY'S OVER.
WWWWWOOOOOOT.
*runs around random things in my imagination*
YAY.
YEAAAAAH.
*waves arms*

hahaha. while i'm typing this, my face is like this: O.O
=DDD

hahhaa. it's sorta as good as over for me already.
...
yeah right. there's still Econs.And BNW("hug me till you drug me snuggly" whatever blahblahblah. haha=/

ah fitchew.

2008-09-28T17:50:00.002+08:00

28th September2008

Tim went back today=/
Poo.

School was alright the whole week i guess. Spent most of it panicking for Promos. Surprisingly, i'm less worried(only suddenly) for Promos than i was for Mids. No idea why.
GP TOMORROW.

Anyhow. Friday was no school-study day but went to school for consultations for Econs and History. Went home after cause i was drained. meh.
Friday night's F1 practice was kinda cool i guess. Like, it was really loud and FAST but after like 30mins, got a tad boring. So we (family) went to watch the big screen instead which was a lot cooler cause it was a better view of both the circuit and we actually had an idea of who was winning. hahaa.

The performances were funky! Food n drinks on sale were ridiculously priced though. nods-
ah well.

The ticket was COOOL. It wasn't really a ticket but a card(like an ezlink card kinda card) with all the deets on it and hanging on a landyard.

So. it was cool. I guess.

Got a cap signed by Lewis H.=) he's staying at the hotel my aunt whom i'm kinda close to works at. kinda cool.
Bet he was rushing when he signed it. Can tell, lol.
-shrugs-

Back to history and ISDV, Sarekat Islam and the fight for independence.
bleh.

2008-09-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

19th September 2008

Headache.
Just felt like filling up space on my blog.
I've been abandoning it.
It's not my fault.
haaah.
it's PW and Promos coming and stress and wasting time and tuition and more stress.
AND ILL HEALTH.
LIKE hullo.
i've been sick on and off for two months.
~!$# @!#@^$*%@!!!
Currently coughing/hacking/losing my voice in the process.
crap it all.

hullo world.
I miss hanging out late with people i don't have to say much to to fill the silence.
=(
J.C's sucking up everything.
EVERYTHING.

2008-09-08T18:50:00.002+08:00

8th September'08

Today was a nice day.
Though i got a serious wake-up-call later in the day.

I'm surprised.
But i don't really think I should be.
But still.
argh.
I've been reminding myself, though, for so long.
Since last year; longer than that.
And yet. Its still not enough.
o_o
Shocked indeed.
But always knew. Just never thought ...
I should know right.
After all. It's happened to me.
-sigh-

2008-09-01T15:32:00.002+08:00

1st Sept 2008

Its SEPTEMBER.
ohmemamas.
i actually made a list of what i was gonna blog about.
hur.

1) Flyover
2)Workloads
3)Cold weather
4)Tuition
5)Old friends/New friends
6)Chinese taxi drivers

1) You know the new flyover connecting braddell road coming out along bukit timah(somewhere there)?
It's so cool. hahahaha.
yeah.
like its realllyyyy high.
like whoosh high. like omg. i love it=D
the high-ness of the viaduct i mean.

2)Workloads. enough said.
haha.
piling up. I really don't see the purpose of stuffing us girlies and laddies with loads of work so near our promos. maybe for practice and stuff but omg. work's so much it's like argh.

3)The weather's kinda freaky nowadays.
like freaky.
like global warming is to blame kinda freaky.
i like the cool-ness of it but i hate walking up the hill from my house and by the time i reach the top of the hill my shoes are drenched through.
pfft.
Try going out with your shoes disgustingly wet the whole time; inside out. you'll know what i mean. Especially if you're gonna watch a movie. your feet always freeze to death.

4)Tuition is a tiring process. all those in j.c who do it should know. Sec school tuition isn't so bad cause you'll don't end at 6pm/7pm/later. =/

5) Old friends and new friends. old friends from secondary school times, hard to continue to hand out with them cause of conflicting schedules bah, =(
But we tryyyyyy. we dooo.

6)This one's hilarously embarrassing.
Chinese taxi drivers seem to love asking me where i wanna go, how i wanna go there and blahblah in CHINESE. anyone who knows me should know i don't really speak cheena. like how i barely know how to differentiate "zhuo" and "you". quite malu. really.
hah.

ohoh. and baybeats was good/neutral. would've loved to bob my head to the music even more though=/

2008-08-27T23:37:00.001+08:00

27th August 2008

Do humour me please=)
Needy J.C kid whose soul is drained by the day.
nods-

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

2008-08-22T00:02:00.002+08:00

22/08/08

Did you know that two days ago the date was like this:

20/08/2008?
or:
20082008.

funky.
I'm having a helluva headache. a migraine. a drill.
-clenches teeth-
poo.
Insomnia. i hate. i hate. i hate. insomnia.
especially when i'm so tired out already.

I blame you and you and you and you.
I dislike the way you'll made yourselves be portrayed.
I can't believe it.
I thought we had a chance to stand up for them.
We don't really.
I can't stand the fights.the screaming.
i mean goooodddd(sorry) headache. have some consideration.
go make a room soundproof and go there and scream.
just shutup.
hypocrite.
messed up ftw.
hur.

School's been cool.
tiring.
learning.albeit slowly to care less.
learning to be hardworking through migraines and stuff.
Learning to change the study environment to suit my purposes.
Finally.
but the huge void's a pain.
insecurities are a pain.
anyone should know this.
-shrugs-
imma sleep.
betcha i won't, i'll just stare into the darkness and think of things that i don't wanna think of.
I can already hear your voice from the adjacent room.
shush.
quiet for once, please.

2008-08-17T23:07:00.002+08:00

17th august 2008.

Hmmmm.

I think we needed more time to fully access the situation. I really didn't tell the whole story. And she thought it wasn't bad at all, "trust me", till that part. Then she still smiled and patted me and said you can, "don't try, do it" "believe in yourself" "you already did" "it's an easy choice to make".
But it really hasn't been.
not in the slightest.
I'm not looking for comparisons and contrasts or relativity.
I'm looking for understanding and objectiveness.

But life goes on and on my friend.
=)
I said i'll try. i am.

2008-08-10T23:29:00.002+08:00

10th August.08

hullo Singapore. you're 43 and a day old.
how do you feel?

First. I'm terribly sorry i missed your birthday party Ali.
i really am.
I'll make it up to you, i willl.

Singapore is old now.
harhar.
The parade gets old. really.poo.
Weekend was non-existent.
trust me.
I seriously don't understand, and am really miffed at the fact that the one time we actually have a holiday, the amount of h/w and revision and stuff we have to do ruins it.
What's the point of the holiday?
like arghhhhhh(times a million)

frustrating all the more cause i keep getting sick.
Cause i can't get enough sleep.
a lot of reasons.
And am currently sick. have been for two weeks, can't get well cause my workload prevents me to rest enough.
And i barely use the computer during weekdays anymore.
urgh.
Singapore.
pfft.

2008-07-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

29/07/08

The irony. haha.

You make me frightened.
I scare me.
But you scare me cause i don't know what to think.
And that ignorance is what i guess freaks me out.

And are my eyes really that freaky.
90% of people say they are.
Without the specs that is.
-shrugs-
too intense i guess.
gee.

2008-07-25T23:57:00.002+08:00

25/07/08

it's a minute to midnight.
hehee.
not funny.but for literary effect.
i don't know what i'm talking about.
..
it's midnight.
if this was new year's eve/day,
i would still feel the same,
maybe excited about making a better year, and terribly sad that i just lost one.
why am i even thinking about this.

It sometimes scares me if i think hard about it, the time i have lost studying and studying and passing time in J.C. I mean, July barely existed. Before i know it i'll be saying the same things about this year as i said about the previous year. That i should've spent my time better.
Actually performed some of my resolutions blahdeblah.

This week was scarily FAST. yeah.
Some impulsive temptations and inspirations that i really hope will/will not fade away.
I need the push.

PFT is finally over for me.
Standing Broad Jump can go fly a kite now.NOW.
A and B for everything except SBJ. blooooddy crap. yeah.
go figure.

Times i slept:

Sunday i slept at 3am partially cause of the wedding dinner. Congrats to Melani and Kenneth=D
It was cooool seeing BILL again after darn long. The siblings looked terrific as usual. like =)
slept late also because:
i was insistent on finishing hist. tut.(due on wed) but did on Sunday cause i knew my week would be too late and have too much to do.
Monday: 2am i think.(council appreciation ceremony prac. till 7+pm)
Tue:1230am; had investiture at St Iggys. Was not excited in the least(seriously.) until the hour or so before the event itself.
Wed:12am
Thur:11.50pm(which was good by my standards)
-and only because i couldn't take it anymore and gave up on studying for Econs and doing a shoddy job of hist. tut.(i lolled my head back and nearly fell asleep approximately ten times while doing hist. tut.)
oh, the benefits of my cca.

Perhaps some say this is no excuse for doing so but since i've joined the cca; i've fallen asleep twice in tutorials in a week. I've NEVER done so before.

sigh.

Aching all over.
The detrimental effects of quitting field.
Stamina's still there but lowered and muscles are gone.
And i ache so much more when i exercise then before(no more regularity)
poo.
urgh.